Annie Valentine is a wife, a mother, and a freelance writer. Her weekly newspaper column, Regarding Annie, can be found in Montesano, Washington’s The Vidette, and Odgen Utah’s Standard Examiner where she writes as a Top Of Utah Voices columnist. Regarding Annie is a funny take on the hilarious and the horrible, in regards to life as an average American woman. It also pertains to foreign women with husbands, children, and laundry piles.

Annie has a degree in journalism and has lived on the East and West Coasts, as well as a few places in between. Her husband is a Special Agent for the federal government, and has promised a lifetime of thrilling adventure. While changing diapers and doing laundry is often an adventure, she is still waiting for the thrill to kick in.

With three small children, Harrison, Rex and June, Annie’s life is a complicated pretzel of love, affection, and frequent bouts of screaming. One thing is for certain, she makes no bones about the fact that sometimes things are just plain stinky. If it smells, she’s going to tell you.

If you have any questions, comments or would like a signature, please email her at regardingannie@gmail.com. She will happily send you her signature on a clean, size 4, disposable Huggies Diaper, free of charge.

The following links represent the online version of Regarding Annie.

“Who Let The Air Out?” – “So a week before I weaned the baby I went out and bought a cartload of new bras. My old nursing bras were so stretched and worn that the only support they offered was a comfortable shoulder strap for my children to cry on…”

“You Know You’re In Redneck Country When…” – “We drove across Florida, Alabama and Louisiana yesterday and boy was it obvious. The first hint that we weren’t in Kansas anymore came as we barreled down the freeway (speed limit 70 MPH) and three children ran across all three lanes RIGHT IN FRONT OF US. Jason slammed on his brakes and we barely missed them…”

“My New Down There Doc” – “Today I visited a new lady doctor. It was a guy…”

“Spent” – “I have been alone for somewhere around 125 days now. That’s 125 evenings without someone to talk to while making dinner, without someone to boss around during bath time, without someone to watch The Office with, without someone…”

“No Embarazada” – “It’s amazing the things they put in Spanish these days. Take pregnancy tests, for example. Just in case you don’t feel bad enough in English, they double up and write it in Spanish as well,  just to be sure you get the message…”

Here are some nice things she paid people to say about her (she could only afford three of them).

“I have enjoyed reading your column every week–you are very gifted and true to life. I usually read The Vidette on my lunch hour and can’t help but laugh as I read your column. Thanks for putting such levity into my day, especially since everything is such gloom and doom around the economy lately. Hope you continue to write and maybe even consider doing a book – your writing certainly relates to new moms and even us grandmothers! Thanks again and keep up the good work!” Vickie

“Ohh..you are too funny. You kill me. You know what I love even more?? Just the thoughts of your husband really knowing what he was in for when he married you. This stuff is great!! I’m going to call my mom right now and read the article to her!!!” Adrienne

“Ha Ha you crack me up…my 4 year old came in to ask me why I was laughing. She also pointed to your picture on your page and said ‘Who is this?’ and I said ‘Her name is Annie Valentine.’ To that she said ‘That is a pretty name for a Mommy.’ I agree. Love your stories. The joys of motherhood…” Bree